HE WAS CAT STEVENS. NOW HE IS YUSUF ISLAM

This is the story of a great British singer and lyricist who, for a certain period of his life, lived in Brazil (more specifically in Rio de Janeiro).
His real name is Steven Georgiou - the third child of a Greek father, Stavros Georgiou and a Swedish mother, Ingrid Wickman. He has an older sister, Anita, and brother, David. The family lived above Moulin Rouge, the restaurant that his parents operated on the north end of Shaftesbury Avenue, a short walk from Piccadilly Circus in the Soho theater district of London.
Georgiou began to perform his songs in coffee houses and pubs. At first he tried to form a band, but soon realized he preferred to perform solo. Thinking that his given name might not be memorable to prospective fans, he chose a stage name Cat Stevens, in part because a girlfriend said he had eyes like a cat, but mainly because he said, "I couldn't imagine anyone going to the record store and asking for 'that Steven Demetre Georgiou album'.
The first singles were hits. "I Love My Dog" charted at #28, and "Matthew and Son", the title song from his debut album, went to #2. "I'm Gonna Get Me a Gun" reached Britain's Top 10, and the album Matthew and Son itself began charting.
Stevens was living the fast-moving life of a pop star, and in early 1968 at the age of 19, he became very ill with tuberculosis and a collapsed lung.
He spent months recuperating in hospital and a year of convalescence. During this time Stevens began to question aspects of his life and spirituality. He later said, "to go from the show business environment and find you are in hospital, getting injections day in and day out, and people around you are dying, it certainly changes your perspective. I got down to thinking about myself. It seemed almost as if I had my eyes shut."
He took up meditation, yoga, and metaphysics; read about other religions; and became a vegetarian. As a result of his serious illness and long convalescence, and as a part of his spiritual awakening and questioning, he wrote as many as 40 songs, which were much more introspective than his previous work. Many of those songs would appear on his albums in years to come. Among them I´d like to mention: Father and son, Morning has broken, Where do the children play, Peace Train and Wild world:





Cat Stevens formally converted to the Islamic religion on 23 December, 1977, taking the name Yusuf Islam in 1978. Yusuf is the Arabic rendition of the name Joseph.
Following his conversion, Yusuf abandoned his career as a pop star. When he became a Muslim in 1977, he said, the Imam at the mosque was told that he was a pop star, and he told Yusuf that it was fine to continue as a musician, so long as the songs were morally acceptable.
In his first performance on the television show with Jools Holland, 27 years after leaving the "pop" music business, and in other interviews, he gave other reasons for leaving the pop stage. "A lot of people would have loved me to keep singing," he said. "You come to a point where you have sung, more or less ... your whole repertoire and you want to get down to the job of living. You know, up until that point, I hadn't had a life. I'd been searching, been on the road."
He continues to earn approximately $1.5 million a year from his Cat Stevens music. He decided to use his accumulated wealth and continuing earnings from his music career on philanthropic and educational causes in the Muslim community of London and elsewhere. In 1981, he founded the Islamia Primary School in Salusbury Road in the north London area of Kilburn and, soon after, founded several Muslim secondary schools and devoted his energy to providing an Islamic education to children and to donate the rest to charitable causes. He is the founder and chairman of the Small Kindness charity, which initially assisted famine victims in Africa and now supports thousands of orphans and families in the Balkans, Indonesia, and Iraq.
In 1985, Yusuf decided to return to the public spotlight for the first time since his religious conversion, at the historic Live Aid concert, concerned with the famine threatening Ethiopia.
On 21 September 2004, Yusuf was on a United Airlines flight from London to Washington, traveling to a meeting with singer Dolly Parton, who had recorded one of his songs "Peace Train" several years earlier and was planning to include another Cat Stevens song on an upcoming album. While the plane was in flight, the Computer Assisted Passenger Prescreening System flagged his name as being on a no fly list. Customs agents alerted the United States Transportation Security Administration, which then diverted his flight to Bangor, Maine, where he was detained by agents from the Department of Homeland Security.
The following day, Yusuf was deported back to the United Kingdom. The Transportation Security Administration claimed there were "concerns of ties he may have to potential terrorist-related activities".
The US deportation provoked a small international controversy, and led British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw to complain personally to US Secretary of State Colin Powell at the United Nations.
Yusuf believed his inclusion on the watch list may have simply been an error: a mistaken identification of him for a man with the same name, but different spelling. On 1 October 2004 Yusuf requested the removal of his name, "I remain bewildered by the decision of the US authorities to refuse me entry to the United States". According to a statement by Yusuf, the man on the list was named "Youssef Islam", indicating that Yusuf himself was not the suspected terrorism supporter.
Two years later, in December 2006, Yusuf was admitted without incident into the United States for several radio concert performances and interviews to promote his new record.
Yusuf gradually resumed his musical career in the 1990s. His initial recordings had not included any musical instruments other than percussion, and featured lyrics about Islamic themes. He invested in building his own recording studio which he named Mountain of Light Studios in the late 1990s.
These are some songs of his second phase as Yusuf Islam: Heaven/Where true love goes, Maybe there´s a world, In the end and The beloved:




From www.wikipedia.com
Adapted by Milton França

60 INTERESTING WORDS AND IDIOMS

Hi, folks! I´ve prepared a very interesting list of words and expressions in English. I hope you like it. Here it is:

1. 24/7 - dia e noite, o tempo todo
2. A.C/D.C. - bissexual
3. apple polisher / bootlicker - puxa-saco
4. be a jinx - ser pé-frio
5. be all at sea - estar completamente “por fora”
6. be in Dutch with … - estar “sujo” com …
7. beat about/around the bush - fazer rodeios (não ir direto ao assunto)
8. bellyache - chorar de barriga cheia, chorar miséria
9. bite the bullet - suportar qualquer sofrimento
10. Break a leg! - Boa sorte!
11. bus boy - ajudante de garçom
12. by heart - de cor, decorado
13. call a spade a spade - dar “nome aos bois”
14. camp it up - desmunhecar
15. can-do person - pessoa muito prestativa
16. carry a torch for someone - alimentar uma paixão não-retribuída
17. cellar-dweller - “lanterna” (ultimo colocado)
18. cheapskate - pão-duro, sovina
19. chicken feed - pouco dinheiro, ninharia
20. climb/get/jump on the bandwagon - seguir a maioria, “ir na onda”
21. cold fish - pessoa fria (nada emotiva)
22. Come again? - Como?, Pode repetir?
23. come/get out of the closet - assumir a homossexualidade
24. Come rain or shine / Come what may - Faça chuva ou faça sol
25. Come to your senses! - Crie juízo!
26. con man - vigarista
27. cost an arm and a leg - custar “os olhos da cara”
28. crash the gate - entrar de penetra
29. cut a class / play truant / play hooky - matar aula
30. doggie bag - “quentinha” (resto de comida levada para casa)
31. dressed to kill - “nos trinques” (muito bem vestido)
32. drink like a fish - beber muito (álcool)
33. duck soup / piece of cake - moleza, muito fácil
34. egghead - intelectual
35. fly the coop - “dar no pé”, ir embora
36. for good / for keeps - para sempre
37. get cold feet - “amarelar”, perder a coragem
38. give up the ghost / kick the bucket - morrer
39. go Dutch - rachar a conta
40. go to powder one´s nose - ir ao banheiro (expressão usada por mulheres)
Obs: Ao fazer uma oração, substitua one´s por my, your, her, etc.
41. go to see a man about a dog - ir ao banheiro (expressão usada por homens)
42. hair of the dog - bebida tomada para curar ressaca
43. have two left feet - não saber dançar
44. hen party - festa de despedida de solteira
45. let the cat out of the bag - revelar um segredo
46. Let´s call it a day! - Por hoje é só!
47. longhair music - música clássica
48. make a pass at … - passar uma cantada em …
49. Mind your P´s and Q´s- Cuidado com o diz/faz
50. on the rocks - puro (sem gelo)
51. on the house - por conta da casa
52. one for the road - saideira
53. paint the town red - aprontar, “pintar o sete”
54. Portuguese man-of-war - caravela, água-viva
55. pushing up daisies - morto
56. stag party - festa de despedida de solteiro
57. street Arab - menino de rua
58. take forty winks - tirar uma soneca
59. tie the knot - casar
60. wet blanket - estraga-prazeres

By Milton França/2009

CANNIBALISM IN BRAZIL? IT EXISTS...

Cannibalism, from Caníbalis in Spanish, is when a human eats the flesh of another human. It´s something that was used all over the world until the 19th century. Nowadays, one of the few places where it is still practiced is the Korowai Tribe, in the western part of Papua New Guinea. However, cannibalism also happens in other countries, like Brazil. Here is a report about cannibalism in the state of Mato Grosso do Sul:


Brazil Cannibalism: man gets 16 years for killing and eating foe's heart

Brazilian carpenter Gilmar Alberto Wasckman, 46, was convicted on July 31st, by
a popular jury to 16 years in prison for murder and cannibalism. He is said to have killed a man and then having eaten pieces of his organs and drunk his blood.
The crime occurred on November 23, 2007, in Mundo Novo, a town in the Brazilian midwestern state of Mato Grosso do Sul. Mundo Novo is 460 kilometers (286 miles) from Campo Grande, the state's capital.
The criminal was sentenced to 15 years of jail for the murder and to an extra one year and three months for having eaten the organs. Wasckman will be allowed to serve his time in a half open regime, having to report to prison only at night, to sleep, after 6 years and 4 months of jail time.
The murderer will be transferred from Mundo Novo to Dourados next week to start serving his sentence.
Wasckman's crime was the result of a fight between him and 53-year-old Aparecido Antônio da Silva. The killer, who used a knife to commit his crime, was helped by a 16-year old youngster. The victim, who used to have frequent sex with the boy, was furious when he found out that the carpenter was also sharing the affections of the young man.
Both men ended up fighting and stabbing each other. Wasckman was able to kill his aggressor with the help of the teenager.
After the murder the two assassins cut the man's testicles out and opened him up to extract his liver and heart. They followed this action by eating pieces of the man's heart and liver. According to the teen, his partner in the crime also drank some of the victim's blood.
It was the young man who went to the police to tell them what had happened. The police found the body as described by the teen.
As for Wasckman he claimed that he had done what he did because he was under the influence of alcohol and drugs.

By Milton França/2009
With report by www.brazzil.com

RIVERSIDE - PROG ROCK MADE IN POLAND

Riverside is a progressive rock band from Warsaw, Poland. It was founded in 2001 by friends Mariusz Duda, Piotr Grudziński, Piotr Kozieradzki and Jacek Melnicki, who shared a love for progressive rock and heavy metal. Riverside can be described as a stylistic blend of atmospheric rock and metal elements, resulting in a sound similar to that of Pink Floyd, Porcupine Tree, Dream Theater, and Tool, while still maintaining an identity of their own.

In October of 2002, about a year after their formation, the band performed a pair of shows in Warsaw. After the distribution of 500 copies of their demo, the band performed at a small club in Warsaw once again in early 2003. As the band continued to write more material for a full length release, there grew a dissonance between keyboardist Jacek and the other members of Riverside. Jacek wished to continue with his studio pursuits so, during the latter part of 2003, he split from the group.

Their first album, entitled Out of Myself., was released in Poland in late 2003. The success of the album in Poland and the live shows that the band performed led to a release of the album on American record label Laser's Edge in September of 2004, this time with cover art from Travis Smith, painter for bands such as Opeth, Anathema, and Devin Townsend. It seemed like Out of Myself was receiving nothing but the highest international praise and it won best debut in many magazines and websites such as Metal Hammer and Belgium Prog-Nose.

Following their 2003 debut Out of Myself and the success that followed in 2004, the band began working on an EP entitled Voices In My Head which was at first a release exclusive to Poland through the label Mystic Productions. The quartet from Poland performed their first foreign gig at the Progpower festival in the Dutch city of Baarlo. They left audiences completely floored, and sold out of all CD stocks. Then, they released Second Life Syndrome in late October of 2005. The album was a massive success, expanding the scope of the band's reach even further than Out of Myself.

The album holds a formidable spot as number 62 on Prog Archives top 100 prog albums as well as the number one rated album of 2005. In addition, the band played their first overseas show at NEARfest in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania on June 24th, 2006. Soon after, the band would begin writing for its third full length album and final installment in the Reality Dream Series.

In October of 2007, the band released the album Rapid Eye Movement, under the InsideOut label. Before the release, the band toured in support for Dream Theater on the European leg of their tour, exposing them to even more potential fans. Mariusz Duda recently released the debut album from his new project, Lunatic Soul.

The quartet has recently completed a new album, "Anno Domini High Definition”, released in June 2009.

If you want to know this great band, take a look at these:








"We used to like it
Used to be
In the sunset time of our dream
For all these things we cannot change
We cannot be
We cannot stay

But if you lose your faith
Know that I am still your friend
And if the sky falls down
Know that I will still support you"
(In two minds - Riverside)

DÈJÁ VU

Dèjá vu (also called paramnesia) is a French word which means "already seen". It is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as if an event has already happened or has happened in the near past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain. The term was coined by a French psychic researcher, Émile Boirac (1851–1917) in his book "L'Avenir des sciences psychiques" ("The Future of Psychic Sciences"). The experience of déjà vu is usually accompanied by a sense of familiarity and also a sense of "eeriness," "strangeness," or "weirdness." The "previous" experience is most frequently attributed to a dream, although in some cases there is a firm sense that the experience "genuinely happened" in the past.

The experience of déjà vu seems to be quite common among adults and children alike. References to the experience of déjà vu are also found in literature of the past, indicating it is not a new phenomenon. Recently, researchers have found ways to recreate this sensation using hypnosis.

Note 1: It can be written dèjá vu, deja vu or dejavu.

The British rock band Iron Maiden has a song called Deja vu and its lyrics gives us a good definition of what this phenomenon is:

DEJA VU - IRON MAIDEN
When you see familiar faces,
But you don't remember where they're from,
Could you be wrong?

When you've been particular places,
That you know you've never been before,
Can you be sure?

'Cause you know this has happened before,
And you know that this moment in time is for real,
And you know when you feel Deja vu.

Feel like I've been here before,
Feel like I've been here before.
Feel like I've been here before,
Feel like I've been here before.

Ever had a conversation,
That you realize you've had before,
Isn't it strange?

Have you ever talked to someone,
And you feel you know what's coming next?
It feels pre-arranged.

'Cause you know that you've heard it before,
And you feel that this moment in time is surreal,
'Cause you know when you feel Deja vu.

Note 2: And you? Have you ever had a feeling of déjà vu?

Initial text from www.wikipedia.com. Adapted by Milton França.

HAPPY VALENTINE´S DAY

Valetine´s Day (Dia dos Namorados) is celebrated on June 12 in Brazil. In many other countries in the world - including the United States and the United Kingdom - the celebration is on February 12.

Let´s take a look at how other cultures celebrate this most romantic of days:

In Japan ladies give gifts of 'giri-choco' (chocolate of obligation) to all the men in their lives including male family members, colleagues and the boss. One month later, on White Day the gentlemen reciprocate by giving a gift of 'sanbai-gaeshi', or 'triple return' as the value should be triple that of his giri-choco gift.

In India the phenomenon of the St Valentine's Day celebration is a relatively recent one. Over the last decade or so has it grown to fever-pitch, with young men declaring their affections in Bollywood hero style, Valentine-themed TV and radio shows abound and shops gear-up to the ensuing commercial onslaught. Yet celebrations of love are nothing new. Kamadeva is the Hindu god of love and legend goes that this handsome deity rides a golden parrot, and from a bow made of sugar cane fires flower-tipped arrows of desire.

In Poland, Valentine's Day is another Saint's day, also known as name day (imieniny). The Polish celebrate the day of their namesake saints, in a similar way the British celebrate a birthday, with cakes and gifts. Your saint’s day is generally more significant than your birthday. It’s also much easier to find out someone’s saints day than try to remember their birthday!

Zimbabweans approach it as a day for celebrating their culture by holding seminars talks and plays to address social problems. There are even cooking competitions. These activities are followed by street carnivals and processions. It is very much a community affair.

The Chileans are most famous for starting the craze of Valentines Day smooching competitions, which is fast becoming a fixture in many cities including Singapore and Manila. The record for the most couples smooching in one gathering has become a hotly-contested competition between Santiago and Manila!

In China, the equivalent of Valentine's Day is Qi Qiao Ji (or Qi Xi – Night of Sevens. According to legend, the seventh daughter of the Emperor of Heaven, Zhi Nu, fell in love with a cow herder and they married without permission. The Emperor separated them, sending his daughter to live on one star (Vega) and her lover to another (Altair). But once a year – on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month – all the magpies in the world are said to form a bridge between the two stars so they can meet. Traditionally on this day a garland of fruit and flowers is placed in front of every house and any single or newly married woman must make an offering to the gods to give them lasting beauty. In some parts of China, single women make offerings to Zhi Nu in the hope finding suitable husbands.

So no matter how it is celebrated and where, a day of romance is something close to everyone’s hearts around the world.
Have a nice Valentine´s Day.
Milton França.
From www.scotlandistheplace.com with adaptations by Milton França.

O AMOR DO PEQUENO PRÍNCIPE

Note: This time I´m gonna do something a little bit different. I am posting a test with the text in Portuguese (about the Little Prince) and the comprehension questions that I prepared are in English. Why this?
Well, simply because this is a kind of test that the new ENEM may have next year and the more you practice different styles of tests the better for you.
Milton França.

TEXTO
Enquanto o mundo lembrava em mais 80 milhões de exemplares - e em 160 línguas - o amor entre o principezinho de um planeta distante e a sua rosa, uma outra paixão que perpassava esta história ficou esquecida. Recentemente essa história foi contada em O amor do Pequeno Príncipe. O livro é uma compilação de cartas enviadas pelo autor de O Pequeno Príncipe, Saint-Exupéry a uma mulher por quem se apaixonou logo antes de morrer. O episódio só se tornou público em novembro de 2007, por ocasião da venda de diversos documentos do autor que faziam parte da coleção do Museu de Cartas e Manuscritos, em Paris.
As cartas que o escritor e aviador escreveu à sua amada mostram que muito havia em comum entre o autor e seu personagem. As comparações são feitas pelo próprio Exupéry, que assina suas mensagens ilustradas como O Pequeno Príncipe. A correspondência revela um homem que, assim como seu personagem, é sensível, reflexivo e um pouco deprimido quando está distante do objeto de seu amor.
Dela pouco se sabe. Tudo o que se pôde ter certeza a respeito de sua identidade é que era uma jovem de 23 anos, nascida no leste da França, casada e oficial da Cruz Vermelha. Exupéry a conheceu no trem, em março de 1943, quando ia à cidade de Oran aArgel, na Argélia, a serviço da aeronáutica francesa. Foi amor à primeira vista. Os documentos sugerem que, dessa época até sua morte, eles mantiveram um relacionamento. Mas indicam também que esta foi uma paixão que o fez sofrer.
Em um dos trechos do livro ele até a acusa de matar o Pequeno Príncipe. "Não há Pequeno Príncipe hoje e não haverá nunca mais. O Pequeno Príncipe morreu. Ou então tornou-se muito cético". Hoje as palavras parecem proféticas. Poucos dias depois, em 31 de julho de 1944, o escritor desapareceu a bordo de seu avião no Mediterrâneo. Nunca pôde ver o Pequeno Príncipe publicado em seu país Natal... nem ver sua amada misteriosa novamente.
O livro saiu do acervo museu francês e foi direto para a lista de best-sellers. No Brasil, estava entre os mais vendidos já na primeira semana. O segredo desta volta de sucesso do Pequeno Príncipe (se é que algum dia ele chegou a partir) é o talento inexplicável de Saint-Exupéry, que transbordou de paixão cada linha de sua obra. Um escritor que sabia muito bem uma lição importante que registrou neste novo livro: "Os contos de fada são assim. Uma manhã, a gente acorda e diz: 'era só um conto de fadas...' E a gente sorri de si mesmo. Mas, no fundo, não estamos sorrindo. Sabemos muito bem que os contos de fadas são a única verdade da vida."
(Site da Revista Época – Acesso em 18/05/2009 - Adaptado por Milton França)

1. According to the text, which alternative is the correct one?
a) The Little Prince was a great success in France when its author was alive.
b) Saint-Exupéry was not on a plane when he saw that woman for the first time.
c) Saint –Exupéry met his lover three years before his death.
d) There was nothing in common between Saint-Exupéry and the main character of his book.
e) The woman was the one who really killed the Little Prince. That´s why she was arrested.

2. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry:
a) died more than one hundred years ago.
b) never flew a plane in his whole life.
c) wanted to see his book published in his country at Christmas but it was not possible.
d) had an affair with a married woman for many years and only now it was discovered.
e) fell in love the first time he saw that woman.

3. The woman who was Saint-Exupéry´s lover:
a) was French, unlike him.
b) wanted to work for the Red Cross.
c) married him before his death.
d) was a teenager in 1943.
e) had a husband.

4. Saint-Exupéry and the woman´s love affair lasted:
a) less than a year.
b) two years.
c) almost two years.
d) more than a year.
e) until 2007.

5. According to the text, “the author disappeared on board of _____ plane on July 31, 1944”.
a) your
b) her
c) his
d) yours
e) its

6. “The Little Prince” is a book that is a best-seller all over the world. In this sentence, the relative pronoun that could be replaced by:
a) who
b) whom
c) what
d) which
e) whose

7. My niece _________ bought a new edition of The Little Prince.
a) himself
b) myself
c) herself
d) itself
e) yourself

8. The sentence: "There isn´t any Little Prince today" is the same as:
a) There isn´t no Little Prince today.
b) There is some Little Prince today.
c) There is no Little Prince today.
d) Is there any Little Prince today?
e) There isn´t anyone Little Prince today.

9. "Exupéry a conheceu no trem, em março de 1943, quando ia à cidade de Oran aArgel, na Argélia, a serviço da aeronáutica francesa. Foi amor à primeira vista. Os documentos sugerem que, de então até sua morte, eles mantiveram um relacionamento".
By changing this sentence into English, we have:
a) only one regular verb.
b) only one irregular verb.
c) three irregular verbs.
d) four regular verbs.
e) five irregular verbs.

10. Saint-Exupéry was ______ a train when he met that married woman.
a) at
b) in
c) on
d) into
e) from

TONGUE TWISTERS

Tongue twisters are phrases, sentences or rhymes that present difficulties when we say them because they contain similar sounds. Here are a few examples for you to practice:

1 - Selfish shellfish.

2 - Three free throws.

3 - Please pay promptly.

4 - Strange strategic statistics.

5 - Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.

6 - Which witch wished which wicked wish?

7 - Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

8 - The boot black bought the black boot back.

9 - Fred fed Ted bread, and Ted fed Fred bread.

10 - The two-twenty-two train tore through the tunnel.

11 - Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.

12 - Betty and Bob brought back blue balloons from the big bazaar.

13 - Thank the other three brothers of their father's mother's brother's side.

14 - A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

15 - If a canner can can ten cans a day, how many cans can ten canners can today?

16 - If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister, his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17 - A sailor went to sea to see what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

18 - I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought
I thought I thought.

19 - She stood on the balcony inexplicably mimicking him hiccupping, and amicably welcoming him home.

20 - One-One was a racehorse.
Two-Two was one, too.
When One-One won one race,
Two-Two won one, too.

21 - How many cookies could a good cooker cook if a good cooker could cook cookies?
A good cooker could cook as much cookies as a good cooker who could cook cookies.

22 - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

23 - While we were walking, we were watching window washers wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.

24 - If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

25 - Swan swam over the sea.
Swim, swan, swim!
Swan swam back again.
Well swum, swan!

26 - On mules we find two legs behind
and two we find before.
We stand behind before we find
what those behind be for.

27 – She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
She´s sure she sells seashore shells.

28 - There was a young fisher named Fischer
Who fished for a fish in a fissure.
The fish with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in;
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fischer.

29 - You've no need to light a night-light
On a light night like tonight,
For a night-light's light's a slight light,
And tonight's a night that's light.
When a night's light, like tonight's light,
It is really not quite right
To light night-lights with their slight lights
On a light night like tonight.

30 - Ned Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not.
So it is better to be Shott than Nott.
Some say Nott was not shot.
But Shott says he shot Nott.
Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot,
Or Nott was shot.
If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot.
But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott,
Then Shott was shot, not Nott.
However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott, but Nott.

31 - Betty Botter had some butter,
"But," she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter,
it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter
that would make my batter better."
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So it was better Betty Botter
bought a bit of better butter.

32 - A tree toad loved a she-toad
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a two-toed tree toad
But a three-toed toad was she.
The two-toed tree toad tried to win
The three-toed she-toad's heart,
For the two-toed tree toad loved the ground
That the three-toed tree toad trod.
But the two-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower
With her three-toed power
The she-toad vetoed him.

SOME JOKES IN ENGLISH

THE BOY IN THE WARDROBE
A woman and her lover are in the house while the husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes in, and after seeing them making love he hides in the wardrobe and watches them. All of a sudden the husband comes. The wife hides her lover in the wardrobe, without knowing that her son is in there.
Boy:
- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer ball.
- That's nice.
- Do you want to buy it?
- No, thanks.
- My dad is outside.
- Ok, how much?
- 250 dollars.
After a few weeks the man and the boy run into each other again in the wardrobe.
Boy:
- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer cleats.
Remembering what happened last time, the man asks:
- How much?
- 750 dollars.
- Ok.
After few days, the father says to his son:
- Let´s go and play soccer.
- I can't, I sold the ball and the cleats.
- How much did you get?
- 1000 dollars.
- That is terrible, how could you ask so much money.... that's much more than they are worth. That's a sin, so you should go to church and confess.
The father takes his son to the church confessional. The boy gets in, closes the door and says:
- It's dark here.
Priest:
- Don't start with that shit again!!!


THE BLONDE AND THE ODOMETER
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blonde's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"

THE BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'

LOVE ON THE BEACH
A policeman sent his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife.
- No darling, we can’t do it here, our kid is watching us.
- You are right, lets go to the beach.
After a while, they start to make love on an empty beach. All of a sudden, a policeman walks in on them.
- Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can’t do that in public.
- You are right - said the husband - but I had a moment of weakness. We didn’t see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.
- Don’t worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it.

THE POLICEMAN´S SHOES
A policeman comes to the office with one black shoe and one white shoe. His boss starts to yell at him:
- You are ruining police reputation, go home and change the shoes.
The policeman goes home, and comes back after a while.
- Boss I have a problem, the other pair of shoes at home are black and white, too.

AT THE DOCTOR´S
A man at the doctor´s:
-Doctor, I have diarrhea and it won’t go away!
-Did you try using a lemon?
-Yes I did, but when I removed it, it started again!

IN A RESTAURANT
In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".

THE BROKEN FINGER
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

WHICH SIDE?
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

CHANGING THE VERB
The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in the simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker, please!
The student: I run. You run ...

SWINE FLU

What is swine flu, and how is it different from other kinds of flu? How does a person catch swine flu?
Swine flu is a respiratory illness of pigs caused by infection with swine influenza A virus (SIV) that can occasionally affect humans. The disease first came to attention in 1976 with the death of an army recruit from swine flu. Widespread fear then led to an often-criticized mass inoculation program in the United States that resulted in illnesses and deaths.

Symptoms of swine flu are similar to those caused by other influenza viruses. These include fever and chills, coughing, sore throat, and fatigue. Sometimes nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea can occur. In the past, pneumonia and potentially fatal respiratory failure were associated with human swine flu infections. It is not possible to distinguish swine flu from "regular" influenza on the basis of symptoms alone. The symptoms of swine flu can also vary in severity among affected individuals.

Treatment for swine flu involves the use of antiviral medications begun as soon as possible after the onset of symptoms. There is no human vaccine to protect against swine flu, although vaccines are available to be given to pigs to prevent swine flu.

In spring 2009, numerous cases of swine flu affecting humans were reported, first in San Diego, California. From 2005 up to this outbreak, only 12 cases of human swine flu were reported in the U.S., none of which resulted in death. Although many cases of swine influenza A virus infection occur in individuals who have had recent direct contact with pigs or close contact with pigs, human-to-human transmission has been documented for the 2009 swine flu outbreak. It is believed that this swine flu virus spreads through airborne particles containing the virus that are released when an infected person coughs or sneezes. It is not possible to get swine flu from eating pork.

When to seek medical care:
If you have flu-like symptoms and live in an area in which swine flu has been documented or suspected, contact your doctor. He or she will be able to advise you if specialized testing for swine flu is advisable. If you develop symptoms such as difficulty breathing, high fever, dizziness, severe vomiting, worsening of previous flu symptoms, or chest or abdominal pain, you should seek emergency medical care.

From medicinenet.com – Adapted by Milton França


Vocabulary:
swine flu – gripe suína
to catch - pegar
illness – doença
army – exército
widespread – generalizada
led to – levou a
chills – calafrios
coughing – tosse
sore throat – garganta inflamada
to vary – variar
severity – gravidade
onset – começo
although – embora
up to – até
outbreak – surto
close – próximo
to spread – espalhar
airborne – transmitidas no ar
to release – lançar
to cough – tossir
to sneeze – espirrar
pork – carne de porco
to seek – procurar
medical care – tratamento médico
flu-like symptons – sintomas similares à gripe
to advise – aconselhar
advisable – aconselhável
such as – tais como
to breath – respirar
dizziness – tontura
severe – forte, agudo
worsening – piora
previous – anteriores
chest – peito, tórax
pain – dor

By Milton França/2009